Thank you for
Being you
For always being there
at my most desperate times
For without saying a word
exorcising the demons that plague me
For turning my shittitest days
into days I won’t ever want to forget
For that smile; god–that smile
you’ll never know the power it wields
For turning the tide
and making me feel at peace again
For all your gifts to me
not knowing that you’re the greatest gift of all
For allowing me to be a part of your life;
I thank you.
One by one they fall
Time and happenings taking their toll
Cracking under the stress of life
They crumble
A chain reaction ensues
When one falls, two more go with it
You panic as the roof begins to cave in
Frantically looking for an exit.
Desperately you look up and realize
You’re not gonna make it; hopeless
Falling to your hands and knees
Resolved to be crushed under the weight of it all
The blow never comes though
You look up and there it stands
One lone pillar; taking all the pressure, all the strain
It holds strong though
You begin to rebuild the other pillars
Slowly regaining control
The pillar holding strong; unwavering
Supporting you for the rest of your life
It’ll always be there; day and night
It requires no thanks;
No gratitude
The pillar does what it’s suppose to do.
It is a cruel soul
He who cooks bacon
Filling the air with its aroma
Permeating the nostrils of every living thing
A orgasmic joy for one’s nose; at the same time
A terrible tease for one’s gut
It is a cruel soul
He who cooks bacon
Keeping it all for himself
The drink
It brings out a certain side of you
The honest side; you—unbridled
Not held back by morals or empathetic thoughts
It tells you the truth precisely as you think it
But dare not say it
It’s the coal in the furnace of the true-you
They say it clouds your judgement but
It tells you exactly how you feel,
When you feel it; you know it
It’s a fine line though, a double-edged sword
One drink—the difference
Between clarity and dissolution
The difference between pulling the trigger
And deciding to start anew
Dangerously cathartic
In the end though, it’s down to you
One more beer, one more sip of vodka
It makes all the difference
The true-you is there
But at what cost?
“Congratulations” they tell me—
“You’ve earned it” they say
As they hand me the iron vest
It’ll protect me, keep me secure; stable
I wonder
I put it on, it’s heavy
“It’s supposed to be” I tell myself
I feel untouchable
Walking out to face the world
Nothing can hurt me—but that’s not the issue
Slowly I start to realize
How tired I get; how weak I feel
I can’t go far before deciding to go back
The vest weighing me down
Sapping my energy, my will to live life
“It’s okay” I keep telling myself
Only I’m not so sure anymore
Family and friends move on
I can’t follow though; unable to lug my vest along
The price of stability is immobility
Every day I look at myself; the vest secure around me
Is it truly a shield; a protector
Or is it a shackle; a jailer
Too afraid to take it off now—wondering
Will I be able to continue on or will I float around aimlessly without it?
She’s my one and only
Has been for years; my first
She’s never let me down
It’s why I love her so
She’s quaint; doesn’t like to show off, classy
But when the time is right—
She turns into a beast
Taking every bit of what I give her
I ride her hard every day
She never complains, never asks for anything in return
Except for a drink and now and again
Then she’s back to performing for me
She won’t stop until she dies
I couldn’t ask for anything more
So I’ll stick with her too, Molly—
She’s one helluva car.
Love, the word
It’s a pretty word
It feels good to say
Like a fine chocolate
Melting in your mouth each time
Love, the word
It’s even nicer to hear
Spreading joy to the deepest recesses of your heart
Like a warm shower, slowly cascading
Over you on an otherwise cold night
Love, the word
It’s a beautiful thing
Like a work of art, it pleases the soul
Ultimately though, its true meaning is lost—as with all art
Known only to the wielder of the brush
Love, the word
It’s a drug
Putting it to your lips every time you feel pain
Dangerously addictive—it drains you each time you say it
Until you find yourself numb to its effects
Love, the word
It’s a shield
Through battles it’s raised
Weakening incoming blows—protecting you
Until the enemy tires of fighting
Love, the word
It’s a dagger
In the hands of the right person it’s—
The mortal blow to your heart
One that won’t close, won’t stop bleeding
Love, the word
It’s just a word
It stirs feelings of many sorts
It falls short though, to it’s counterpart
Love, the emotion.
———————————————-
So, I got to thinking last night how people use the word “love”. I feel like it’s lost its meaning, it’s so convoluted at this point. Every person uses it for something different, to satisfy a different urge—it doesn’t mean what the dictionary tells you anymore. Ultimately it’s only a word and no matter how much you say it you must realize that true love is expressed silently.
Before you can be happy with anyone
You have to be happy with yourself
If you can’t live with yourself
How can you expect anyone else to?
Stop hinging your happiness on others
Take control of your life
Do something
Or you’ll be dead before you know it
Stop caring so much about other people
You don’t need them
In the end you only have to face yourself
Will you be able to look proudly upon what you’ve done?
Or will you look away in shame
At a life wasted on others
Live life for your own sake
And you’ll find that you’ll be much happier
All good things will gravitate to you
Without you having to try
So just worry about yourself for now
It’s not selfish, I promise
It’s just the right thing to do right now
Your happiness is waiting for you
What are you waiting for?
Fortifications that had stood strong for years
Crumble in the face of a new foe
Relatively new
There’s something familiar about him
Walls don’t keep him out
My defenses mean nothing to him
He’s already inside; always has been
He’s me
He knows all my weaknesses
Knows just where to hit
To bring me back to a time
I don’t want to remember
A time when I was weaker
When I didn’t know who I was
He changes everything around me
And I’m there again
My armor begins to rust
Carried off into the wind
I’m naked; exposed again
Defeated by myself.
I’m the silent architect
assuring that your life is a happy one
built upon a strong foundation
without you ever being aware
Even though you slight me,
at times pretend I never was
I’m still there
chipping away at your insecurities
exposing the iron-clad soul that lies beneath
I don’t need thanks or tributes
I’m just glad I could help build something strong
I’m the silent architect of you
and I enjoy my work.
The City of Edgrr 